New Year’s Jokes and Funny Quotes

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New Year’s jokes and funny quotes: drop the ball and make a toast! Make it a comic celebration. Catch up on the jokes and you will not have a hangover.

New Year's Jokes and Funny Quotes

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  • How you choose to spend New Year’s Eve will depend on your:
    1. age
    2. levels of optimism remaining
    3. Pain threshold
  • Each new year I have the same question: “How did I get home?”
  • An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year. A pessimist stays awake to make sure the old year leaves.
  • In New Year, just remember: if your drink is over, you have probably reached your limit.
  • Miami’s moving tradition: ask people not to fire guns in the air on New Year’s Eve.
  • Wait a second, is there ANOTHER year? I have to do it all over again ???
  • I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a good reminder of what I did all year.
  • I like New Year. The confetti covers my dandruff.
  • Miami’s moving tradition: ask people not to fire guns in the air on New Year’s Eve.
  • Wait a second, is there ANOTHER year? I have to do it all over again ???
  • I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a good reminder of what I did all year.
  • I like New Year. The confetti covers my dandruff.
  • Each new year, I decide to lose 20 pounds, and I do. The problem is that I win 30.New Year's Jokes and Funny Quotes
  • My brother’s New Year’s resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. One would think that after 49 years he would try another.
  • I think it’s great to make your first date a New Year’s party. That way, at least you’re sure you’ll get to first base.
  • My grandparents had resolutions such as donating more time and money to charities. I have decided to make my own coffee once a week.
  • Every new year, I celebrate another holiday season without killing my relatives.
  • The resolution of my new year is to improve by pretending to know the words to Auld Lang Syne.
  • New Year’s Eve, when you forget old acquaintances. Unless, of course, those tests are positive.
  • Each new year, I decide to lose 20 pounds, and I do. The problem is that I win 30.
  • My brother’s New Year’s resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. One would think that after 49 years he would try another.
  • Youth is when you are allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. The middle age is when they force you to do it.
  • This new year, I decided to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone to exchange lives with me.
  • May you find the strength to write “Who is it?” to all the strange numbers that send you a text message “Happy New Year!” tonight.
  • Who has time to celebrate on New Year’s Eve? It takes me all night to put my clocks ahead one year.
  • The resolution of my new year is not shovel snow. Since I’m going to be in Florida, I feel very good about it.
  • The New Year parades have much in common with Santa Claus. No one is awake to see any of them.
  • Each New Year is the direct descendant, is not it, from a long list of proven criminals?
  • As the year draws to a close, happy revelers jam New York Times Square to watch the traditional throw of the illuminated ball, while in Denver a softer crowd gathers to play in the new year with the illumination of the Doobie of 200 feet.
  • I suppose the Mayans wonder what all the emotion is about.
  • May all your problems last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
  • This new year I was going to make a resolution to never come back later, but I did not wake up until January 2.
  • “Out the old, the new” is an appropriate expression for a vacation based on vomit.
  • Usually, my main goal in a New Year’s party is to remember who I came with.New Year's Jokes and Funny Quotes
  • Readers of deer, the resolution of my gnu years is to tell you a gazelleon times how much you caribou! I am sorry. Bad word games. Alpaca bag and go.
  • My New Year’s resolution is to try to remember why I entered a room.
  • I do not see the need to make more New Year’s resolutions when the ones that are already in the books are not being applied.
  • The resolution of my New Year is to take all the Christmas lights before Easter.
  • Miami asks residents not to celebrate the New Year by shooting in the air, because the bullets will fall again.
  • I think it’s great to make your first date a New Year’s party. That way, at least you’re sure you’ll get to first base.
  • My grandparents had resolutions such as donating more time and money to charities. I have decided to make my own coffee once a week.
  • Every new year, I celebrate another holiday season without killing my relatives.

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