Funny Valentine’s Day Humor, Valentine’s Day One liners


Read this fun and exhaustive collection of Valentine’s Day Humor for a hearty laugh. You can also share these jokes of Valentine’s Day with your loved one and watch him roll with laughter!

A small boy asked his father: “Dad, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied: “I do not know, son, I’m still paying for it.”

Sam, four years old, loved sweets almost as much as his mother, Sally. He and Papa had given him a beautiful box of chocolates in the shape of a heart for Valentine’s Day. A few days later, Sam was looking at him, wishing he had a piece of him. When she reached out to touch one of the large pieces, Sally said, “If you touch it, then you have to eat it.
“Oh, yes,” he said, nodding. Suddenly, his small hand caressed the top of all the sweets. “Now I can eat them all.”

Valentine's Day in Present Times - Criticism of Valentine's Day in modern times

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A young woman was taking a nap in the afternoon. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day, what do you think it means?”

“You’ll know this tonight,” he said.
That night, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Enchanted, she opened it, only to find a book called “The meaning of dreams”.


A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged bald man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps in bright pink envelopes with hearts on them. He then takes out a bottle of perfume and begins to spray the aroma on them.

His curiosity wins, he approaches the bald man and asks what he is doing. The man says: “I’m sending a thousand signed Valentine’s cards, ‘Guess who?'”.

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

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An intelligent, handsome and sexy young man dressed in the most sophisticated way entered the bar. He noticed that a woman was looking at him without blinking with her mouth open. Flattered, approached the woman and said in his sexiest voice: “I’ll do what you want, beautiful lady, for only $ 20 but with one condition.” The woman was trapped in a moment and asked in a trance: “What is your condition?” The young man replied: “Tell me your wish in only three words”. After a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted the money and gave it to the man along with his address. Then he looked deep into his eyes and whispered, “Clean my house.”

A couple drove down a country road for several kilometers, without saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to a discussion and none of them wanted to acknowledge their position. When passing by a corral of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically: “Family members of yours?” “Yes,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

A very shy guy goes to a pub on the night of Valentine’s Day and sees a beautiful woman at the bar. After a long struggle with his shyness, he finally managed to get close to her and asked politely, “Um, would you mind if I keep you company?” She put on a furious face and screamed at the top of her lungs, “How dare you ask me to sleep with you tonight?” Everyone in the pub started looking at the man who was completely ashamed. After a few minutes, the woman approached him and apologized: “You see I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations, I’m sorry but I was doing my experiment.” The young man suddenly screamed loudly, “What do you mean, $ 200?”

Valentine's Day : History, Legends, Popular Traditions and Modern Times

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After a fight, a wife told her husband: “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied: “Yes, dear, but I was in love and I did not realize”.

  • Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
  • Q: How did the chocolate feel at the end of the date? A: Melted.
  • Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet.
  • Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: It was feeling crumbly.
  • Q: What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine’s Day? A: “You’re tweet.”

Note: These are jokes and not meant to be taken seriously.

  • Q: What did the paperclip say to the magnet? A: “I find you very attractive.”
  • Q: Why did the banana split up with the prune? A: Because it couldn’t see eye-to-eye.
  • Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? A: “I’m stuck on you.”
  • Q: What did the candle say to the match? A: “You light up my life.”
  • Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogie in it.
  • Q: What did the frog say to the fly on Valentine’s Day? A: “You’re one in a fly-lion.”
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Valentine’s Day One-liners

  • “Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.”
  • “You had me at ‘hello’.”
  • “I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.”
  • “I love you more than pizza, and that’s a lot.”
  • “I must be a proton, because I’m attracted to you.”
  • “I’m not saying you’re the best catch, but you’re definitely caught by me.”
  • “I must be a magnet, because I’m attracted to you.”
  • “You’re the apple of my eye.”
  • “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.”
  • “I must be a lightbulb, because I brighten up your day.”

The worst you can say on a first date

  • “I have a lot of exes, but don’t worry, they’re all in jail now.”
  • “I’m actually married, but my spouse doesn’t understand me like you do.”
  • “I’m not really looking for anything serious, just wanted to get laid.”
  • “I’m broke, can you pay for everything?”
  • “I’m not really interested in you, I just wanted to get out of the house.”
  • “I’m not over my ex yet, but I thought it would be fun to date again.”
  • “I’m not really looking for a relationship, I just wanted to get a free meal.”
  • “I have a lot of debt, so I’m looking for someone to pay it off.”
  • “I’m not really interested in you, I just wanted to see what you look like in person.”
  • “I’m not really into you, but my friends dared me to ask you out.”

It’s important to be honest and respectful when dating, and saying any of these things on a first date can be very disrespectful and will most likely end the date. It’s best to be clear about your intentions and be respectful of the other person’s feelings.

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