Read this fun and exhaustive collection of Valentine’s Day Humor for a hearty laugh. You can also share these jokes of Valentine’s Day with your loved one and watch him roll with laughter!
A small boy asked his father: “Dad, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied: “I do not know, son, I’m still paying for it.”
Sam, four years old, loved sweets almost as much as his mother, Sally. He and Papa had given him a beautiful box of chocolates in the shape of a heart for Valentine’s Day. A few days later, Sam was looking at him, wishing he had a piece of him. When she reached out to touch one of the large pieces, Sally said, “If you touch it, then you have to eat it.
“Oh, yes,” he said, nodding. Suddenly, his small hand caressed the top of all the sweets. “Now I can eat them all.”
A young woman was taking a nap in the afternoon. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day, what do you think it means?”
“You’ll know this tonight,” he said.
That night, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Enchanted, she opened it, only to find a book called “The meaning of dreams”.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged bald man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps in bright pink envelopes with hearts on them. He then takes out a bottle of perfume and begins to spray the aroma on them.
His curiosity wins, he approaches the bald man and asks what he is doing. The man says: “I’m sending a thousand signed Valentine’s cards, ‘Guess who?'”.
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
An intelligent, handsome and sexy young man dressed in the most sophisticated way entered the bar. He noticed that a woman was looking at him without blinking with her mouth open. Flattered, approached the woman and said in his sexiest voice: “I’ll do what you want, beautiful lady, for only $ 20 but with one condition.” The woman was trapped in a moment and asked in a trance: “What is your condition?” The young man replied: “Tell me your wish in only three words”. After a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted the money and gave it to the man along with his address. Then he looked deep into his eyes and whispered, “Clean my house.”
A couple drove down a country road for several kilometers, without saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to a discussion and none of them wanted to acknowledge their position. When passing by a corral of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically: “Family members of yours?” “Yes,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
A very shy guy goes to a pub on the night of Valentine’s Day and sees a beautiful woman at the bar. After a long struggle with his shyness, he finally managed to get close to her and asked politely, “Um, would you mind if I keep you company?” She put on a furious face and screamed at the top of her lungs, “How dare you ask me to sleep with you tonight?” Everyone in the pub started looking at the man who was completely ashamed. After a few minutes, the woman approached him and apologized: “You see I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations, I’m sorry but I was doing my experiment.” The young man suddenly screamed loudly, “What do you mean, $ 200?”
After a fight, a wife told her husband: “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied: “Yes, dear, but I was in love and I did not realize”.
A couple met with a wishing well. The wife bowed, made a wish and threw a penny. The husband also decided to make a wish, but he bowed too much, fell into the well and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment, but then she smiled, “It really works!”
If you want your wife to listen to you and pay close attention to every word you say, talk while you sleep.
When a man opens the door of his car to look for his wife, he can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Valentine’s Day One-liners
- Love can not make the world go round, but it certainly tides many people.
- Here is love, the only fire for which there is no insurance.
The worst you can say on a first date
- I used to have a very serious problem to urinate in bed … but in the last few weeks I’ve had it under control.
- I know we met and this may seem a bit sudden … but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- I do not see my ex-girlfriend so much … thanks to the US Department of Justice.”
- Wait until my wife hears about this!
- I had a good time tonight. I would love to see you again in six or eight months with good behavior.